Treating Myself

Today was my first Saturday off both work and volunteering since my birthday (in July) so, naturally, I was going to make the most of it. And by make the most of it, I meant going into Belfast and treating myself... because I'm worth it. Sorry, I couldn't help it. So I hopped on the train by myself because all my friends work weekends and off I went.

There's something so rejuvenating about taking a long train ride by yourself. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I think it has something to do with having the ability to plug in your music without being rude and turning it up full volume, looking out at the world speeding past and just having time to think. It's beautiful.

The journey ended too soon for my liking even though it was like 45 mins and I was thrown back into the drastically swift world of the city. My first stop, after Paperchase that is, was Lush. I haven't been to Lush in over a year, regretfully, so I decided that I had to buy at least one thing before I was allowed to leave. I was wandering around aimlessly when one of the employees thrust a rather large beaker under my nose and told me to smell. It was Christmas in a jug. Perfection. He asked me what I was looking for, and under my request he showed me the moisturisers. I was treated like a queen. When I eventually left 20 minutes later I exited with plenty of free samples and the nicest smelling moisturiser ever. 

I then made a beeline for one of my favourite places: Waterstones. For those of you who read my blog and don't know what Waterstones is, firstly, shame on you, and secondly, it's basically the British version of Barnes and Nobel. Sadly on this visit I didn't buy any novels, but I did however buy a beautiful notebook that I cannot wait to fill with whatever takes my fancy.

Since I ended up staying in Waterstones for much longer than I anticipated (as per usual), I decided to head upstairs to their little in store cafe where I had the most beautiful strawberry cream filled muffin with a cup of coffee. As I always have a book in my bag, I just whipped out Hollow City by Ransom Riggs and sat in quiet contentment for an hour and watched the world go by. 

I then decided that I should actually buy something to show for my trip, so I headed on into my favourite shops, namely H&M, Topshop and New Look. I bought a cheeky little mustard coloured sweater, because autumn, and a new pair of ripped black jeans.

My final (and favourite) place in Belfast is this iconic little second-hand bookshop called Keats & Chapman down one of the city's backstreets. It's one of those shops that has no order and has books piled right to the ceiling in stacks that are sure to topple if you move the wrong book. After a good half an hour of searching, I found and bought myself another copy of The Great Gatsby that I could annotate and make notes all over without feeling guilty about it. It was the perfect ending to a great day.

That's all for now guys! I hope you enjoyed reading this little post and I'd really appreciate a comment or a tick in one of the three boxes below to give me some feedback!

ttyl,
N x

Reasons I Love Autumn

 theautumnlovers.tumblr.com

Extra warm beds in extra cold houses. The thought of not having to rise, but being able to keep snuggled in among the pillows and covers with a hot water bottle and a cup of coffee. Being able to balance your laptop on your knee and discover the new shows slowing waking and coming back to life, eagerly anticipated.

Drawing back the curtains to be met with a day bathed in dimmed golden light as the sun struggles to brighten the world beyond the mountains. Those first chunky rays breaking through the branches of the ever emptier trees to cast rich shadows across the dew dropped petals and blades of grass.

Crisp cold mornings that can be cut with a knife. Layers of cool air beginning to creep between the folds of your clothing leaving you no choice but to layer up with thick woolen sweaters and scarves that wind their way up your neck and down your chest. Breathing out and watching the air swim and swirl in front of you before vanishing into nothing, and being filled with anticipation as you suck in your next breath, wondering why you ever wanted to stay in bed.

Trees and flowers and birds preparing themselves for the months ahead. Watching as trees grow silent, allowing their noise to be whisked into the air and dropped to the ground beneath. Golden browns and rusted reds littering the pavement and leaving no option but to crash through with wellies and delight. The fruits of their labour swelling and plummeting into the high grass, cracking and splitting to reveal the shiny conkers within.

Consuming hot drinks from take-away cups, fingerless gloved hands wrapped around the styrofoam cup, absorbing every ounce of possible heat. Or sitting curled at the window of a coffee shop with a book in your lap and a pumpkin latte sat next to you, the perfect scent for autumn.  

Walking home under skies that grow ever darker. Being absorbed by the night.

Let's Talk About Boobs

Okay let's get this straight from the go. This is not a pornographic post, nor is it for any sexual entertainment or weird fetish. I'm making this because when I was going through my own insecurities I had nowhere to turn to help me. I want to make sure that no one else has to go through that and think that they have no one to talk to or that they are "imperfect". This is mainly for those of us cursed blessed with boobs, however it will do no harm, actually it will probably enlighten, those who don't.

Glad that's out of the way.

Everyone has insecurities. Everyone. It could be the way you look physically, the way you feel mentally or the way you act emotionally, but everyone has insecurities. One of my biggest insecurities are my boobs. Always has been. I hated the way they looked, the size they were and the way they made me feel. I always covered myself when I was changing for PE, never looked at myself in the mirror and closed my eyes in the shower. I hated them.

We all have this image in our head as to what way we have to look to live our lives in the best way possible. We think that if we don't look that way, we will never truly be happy. We're wrong.

I'm going to say the same thing that so many people have said before, but so many people have said it because it's true: the media is melting our minds.

The first image I ever saw of a woman's breasts were on the front of a male magazine in a newsagents when I was 6. 11 years ago, my innocent little eyes saw what has shaped my view of myself for years to come. So when I began developing my own, I was shocked to realise that they were nothing like I expected. They sat a weird way, were too pointy, too... wrong. They looked nothing like what I thought they would. But 12 year old me simply shrugged, still too much of a child to let it bother me much, thinking they would sort out themselves, thankful that I already had bigger boobs than my mum.

When I turned 14, I began to put on weight, fast. One of the first places I put weight on is my middle, so my boobs began to get bigger, and face more downwards than the woman on the magazine. This is when I began to become unhappy, and the more upset I got, the more I ate. This continued until I was just 15 and a half and I was taken to the doctor because it was affecting my health. I was not obese, simply overweight for my age, and it was making my tired and sluggish and anaemic.

This was when I began to become interested in boys, and wanted to look good for them. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, all I saw was this imperfect body that I believed no one could ever love; especially my boobs. In my mind, boobs where what boys loved and if I didn't have good boobs I would never be loved. Lorde, I want to slap younger me.

I wanted to get a boob job. I began almost obsessively looking up before and after pictures, reading what men thought of women with "saggy" boobs, calculating how much I would have to save to get the procedure. The more I read, the more upset I became and the more upset I because, the less I would look at myself and the more I wanted the op.

Until one day I came across this website, and I started to feel like I wasn't alone. I began to realise that there are other women out there, many other women, who felt exactly the way I did.

Then, a few days later, I came across this tumblr post with the comment:

"Yeah, news flash people, boobs generally only look “perky” while in a bra. There are super lucky people who have naturally perky boobs, most don’t. And this is because, SURPRISE, boobs are intended to feed babies and it’s hard for a baby being cradled in mum’s arm to reach a nipple that’s on the other side of the boob from where its mouth is.

Think of a soda fountain machine. The spouts are all pointing down, right? So you can put soda in a cup being held under the spout? If the spout was sticking straight out, it would be really hard to get a soda out of it.

Babies need to be able to reach a nipple easily so they can eat. Ergo, nipples are usually lower and angled more downward on a naturally hanging boob, both so it’s easier for a baby to reach and so gravity can do its part in pulling milk toward the nipple.
So there you go, outright ANATOMICAL proof that boobs are not there for the benefit of men."

I had become so obsessed with the way that a man would view me that I completely forgotten their true purpose; to give life. I started to think more about how amazing their function was rather than how they looked on the outside. Who cared what men thought? I could give life to another human and sustain it. I began to get more confidence in myself, even looking at myself in the mirror before hopping in the shower, and I have never looked back.

Yes, of course I still have days when I think gosh I'd love perky boobs like your woman from 50 Shades Of Grey but then I remember that I am perfect exactly the way I am.

So here are a few things to remember:

1 - BOOBS AREN'T FOR MEN

Yes they feel pretty good and yes they can be fun to play with, but if a guy you're with tells you he doesn't like the way you look, honey you get right up and walk right out and don't look back.

2 - YOU ARE THE GIVER OF LIFE

That's amazing.

3 - TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL

This is a must. I guarantee that you are not the only one in your friend group who feels this way or has boobs they aren't happy with. My friends helped me a lot, and by talking truthfully to them I discovered that not one of them was happy with they're own, so we all help each other out. If you're not comfortable talking to a friend, talk to your mum or aunt or granny. If you don't want to talk to anyone you know, I'm always here. Sometimes it does help to talk to an anonymous person, and I'm truly happy to help. Just don't go delving into the deep dark world that is the internet, because you'll end up feeling worse than you did before you went in.

4 - WEIGHT AFFECTS BOOBS

Probably not the thing you wanted to hear, but it does. However, losing it (just not too much) can help you to feel a lot better in yourself . When I started losing the weight I had gained I began using this cream to help keep them as good as possible, and it really works.

5 - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

This is one of the hardest things to get your head around, but it is completely true. The more you begin to love yourself the more self confidence you have, which in turn makes you love yourself even more. It's hard to see what natural bodies look like with all the propaganda thrown at us, however I have always found the most natural beauty in those who don't do anything with themselves and who always have a smile. A perfect example of this is if you google women in tribes who wear scarcely anything, yet are so comfortable in themselves because they know nothing less than the natural body they have been given, and they are incredibly thankful, and so should you be.

I hope I have been of some use to at least a few people as this is a post I have been wanting to do for a while now and now that it's here I feel quite scared to press the publish button, but I know that if I can help at least one person then I have done the right thing.

Leave a comment as always and I hope to talk to you guys again soon. Remember, I'm always here if you need me.

Song of the day : 'Young and Beautiful' - Lana Del Ray

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4uD6o9XxLs

N x

A Level Study Tips

For those of you who don't know what A levels are, count yourself lucky. For those of us who do... you'll know what I mean.
Here in the UK, A levels are what we study in the last two years of school, ready to sit exams in either 3 or 4 subjects at the end of Year 13 and Year 14 to get into Uni. I have just started Year 13 and when people tell you there's going to be a running jump up from your previous year, believe them. I've been back at school 3 weeks and I've already handed in two 35 mark essays, completed an entire topic and have had a test. This is not GCSE. This is Hell.
So I've decided to compile a list of study tips to help keep on top of homework, independent study and class exams, whichever year you're in, before you slowly get the urge to eat glass or gauge your own eyes out or do both at the same time.

1. Do Your Homeworks The Day You Get Them, Not The Night Before It's Due 
This will help you more than you know. There is nothing worse than leaving an essay to the day before and soon realising that you will be working into the wee hours of the morning. This will inevitably make your writing worse and just lower your overall opinion of the subject it was for. Instead, try and at least begin your homework when you get it, either in a study period or for half an hour at home, to lighten your work load. Believe me, it helps.

2. Begin Studying For Exams Now
I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it helps. If your school is anything like mine and you don't get study leave before exams during this year, you will thank yourself so much. It's not as hard as it sounds either. Simply write good notes, draw a spider diagram, make a mind-map every time you have a test in school or an end of topic test. Eventually these will build up your database and save you from wasting time on making notes just days before your exams.

3. Make Yourself A Clean, Organised Working Environment
As the saying goes, a tidy space makes a tidy mind, and it's so very very true. Spend time making your desk beautiful and practical, take pride in making little motivational posters, don't be afraid to spend money to make it perfect. The end result will be a cute, unique little space that you will be happy to go to at the end of the day to begin homework or study and you'll want to spend as much time there as you can.

4. Find Out What Works Best For You
Whether it be making flashcards or lists, mind-maps or diagrams, pictures or words, it's never too early to find out which way your mind works best and accommodate to it's needs. Figure out if you need silence or music to study to, and if so what type of music you need. My personal favourite music to listen to whilst studying is film scores and orchestral music (link to my study playlist at the end of the post).

5. Take Breaks
Do not try and do everything at once. I repeat do not try and do everything at once. This will only drive you to insanity and stress you to the max. Break down your study time into manageable blocks, usually between an hour to an hour and a half, and allow for breaks for half an hour to an hour. Make yourself a snack, take a shower, go for a drive, watch some TV, do anything to take your mind off your work. This will allow you to wind down and have a breath before returning with a fresh mind and new perspective as to what you were working on.

So that's that! I hope I have given you some ideas as to how to make your life a little more manageable, and I wish you luck in all your school/work/homework/life and I'll talk to you again soon!

Link to 'Study : A Playlist' - http://sweetlyundefined.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/study-playlist.html

Song of the day : 'Something Good Can Work' - Two Door Cinema Club
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0hjjFoId30

N x

Authors are cute..?

I want to be an author. Simple.

I'm lucky enough to write creatively without much persuasion or effort the same way as some people can play tennis really well or know how to fit in with new people in that envious way they do, and I am eternally grateful for this. I have been given a gift that enables me to create something out of nothing and have it sound good, and one day I hope to be able to share my gift with people in the same way that so many have shared theirs with me.

To me, being an author, fact or fiction it doesn't matter, takes a great deal of time and patience and hard work and dedication just to finally hold the finished product in your hand, let alone trying to get someone make your little black words into a book, and another step entirely to get people to read it. It's a damn hard thing to do.

This is why when I tell someone that I want to write for a living I don't want them to say 'Aww! That's cute!' (as they have so many times before) like what I have to say is trivial or irrelevant. I have been made to feel inferior because of my dreams because they don't seem to understand how hard they are to achieve and it makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I'm throwing my life away. It makes me feel as if they are saying 'Aww! She's still following her childhood dreams? I wonder when she's going to realise that the world isn't made of childhood dreams.'

Well you know what?

The world should be made of childhood dreams.

My entire childhood was dedicated to reading the nearest paper or the newest Jacqueline Wilson novel, to writing stories about mermaids in the pond at the bottom of the garden or Christmas trees that came to life each year. My childhood was filled so entirely with words it's a wonder I can't spell better today. Those stories impacted me more than I knew then and more than I know now and I want to give someone the opportunity to feel the way that words felt to me, to inspire them to follow their dreams because we only have one chance at getting our lives right and if we don't do what makes us happy then what's the point?

So this goes to everyone out there who thinks being an author or being a writer is a trivially 'cute' job that anyone can do. The next time that someone tells you they want to write for the rest of their lives because it's their dream, don't demean their choices because it isn't what you would choose to do. Don't make them feel less of a person because they don't want to be a doctor or a social worker or a psychologist. Don't make them feel like they won't ever help or inspire people the same way other jobs would, because I don't know where I'd be without them.  

(Shoutout to those coming from Mrs Speciale, leave a comment :))

Song of the day : 'Down in the Valley' - The Head and the Heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iSQGWpy0qY

N x